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day 504: strangers in the night


Sinatra tastes like
Los Angeles and smells like
shadows. La smells
like jasmine flowers and tastes
like a dream; it’s barely real.

It surprised me when I hopped out of my old Jeep at 1am the night I got in to Venice Beach. I thought this was going to be home; but home is familiar and this was landing on the moon. Gravity failed me as I unpacked the car, high as a kite on I don’t remember if it was the trip or the thoughts or whatever they had bought at the store that day. Brandon has a prescription and there were lollipops and cookies and every/one/thing was smiling.

The next morning I woke up early and set out on bikes with Vanessa. We paddled up Lincoln to Washington to yoga. The world was a sea woven in different shades of cement grey that I had no frame of reference for. That night we cooked the best dinner I’ve ever had; I washed the dishes and cried and Vanessa smiled and hugged me. I had escaped. It was over. But I didn’t understand what I had run from and I didn’t know where I had run to. I didn’t know anything – more so than usual – so I went to sleep and slept for a long time. The next day too. And then I started working in the studios of Los Angeles and everything changed. I adopted Amy Correia’s California as my anthem and guide and set out with wide eyes to see what I could get in to. I climbed down into the echo chambers at Capitol Records. I met strangers with faces that are more familiar than my own. I bought some clothes at a thrift store and texted my brother but he was mad at me for leaving so it took him a while to write me back. I ate tacos and dated a dark brooding producer; he was 20 years older than me with issues and it probably wasn’t a good idea but I built a brick patio with Vanessa and we threw darts and made fires and hung out with Jeff and Shaun and the gin seemed ok, so.

Everyone says La takes a year to settle in to. I never did settle in to town, I just settled in to not knowing what the fuck is going on, ever. I’m glad for that. I’m glad for a lot of things in La.

Anyway; I got out of there too.

Om Gum Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Swaha

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