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I feel really confused. The feeling of being in the room with Shanti and his students at Satsang tonight was amazing. All the talking stirs so much anger and frustration though. It’s probably just an ego/humility thing — the Reiki teacher being taught. Shanti’s urging me to study privately; the force of my resistance is clearly an obstacle of some kind, it’s blurring my ability to decide though. Waiting for the emotions to settle, for now I’ll just do my practice and Satsang some more…

At the end of the night we sang a Ram mantra and, while awkward at first, it brought me to such peace I left half asleep.

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